Sound Clips
O.J. Simpson ---------------- sound clip
Pic of the month
If you want to laugh then you came to the right place. I call this one "Stolen Toilet" Holla! Let me know if you have any suggestions about my page and I hope you enjoy!
Teacher Jokes
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math's sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, thatC'DEs wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: I know!! It's "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, no, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
DANIEL: "Sure, my mother and father got married on the same day, and same time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted
doing it. Now why do you think his father didn't punish him?"
PAUL: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you
copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher! It's the same dog!
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?" "I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."
One stormy night This story happened about a month ago, in a little town in Mexico, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale it's real. This guy was on the side of the road, hitch hiking, on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was black and no cars went by. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It stopped. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door and and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel.
The car started slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel.
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they get to a curve. The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town.
Wet and in shock, he goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy is crying and isn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same cantina and one said to the other.
"Look Pepe, there's the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it!!!
A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. "Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail."Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.Johnny, who naturally sits at the back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won`t get worms."
*** Warning-Adult content ***
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he had a chicken stuck to his d***
Mommy Almost Died Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I`m afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy." "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Piddles`legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Piddles up to heaven." Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles` death quite well.However, two days later when her father came home from work,Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning." Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!" "Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I`m coming, I`m coming!!!" and if it hadn`t been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can`t explain. Man: So what happened that`s so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Ok, but that`s not so bad. Farmer: Some things you just can`t explain. Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things you just can`t explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Man: Hmmm... Farmer: Some things you just can`t explain. Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn`t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....
A guy sits down next to a good looking girl in a bar and starts looking at his watch. The girl notices and asks, "Is your date late?" "Oh no," he replies, "I`m just testing this new state of the art watch." "What does it do?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me." "What`s it telling you now?" "Well, it says you`re not wearing any panties." "Ha! Well it must be broken then because I am!" "Damn! This thing must be an hour fast."
This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you`re bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh... well... ah.... well I`m bouncing on his stomach because he`s fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, Well, that won`t work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it`s too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What`s wrong?" asks the mother. "I was having a wee and this bullet came out." replies the daughter. The mother tells her it`s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It`s okay," says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out." And the boy says, "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
Video Clips
InstructionsIf you can't view the video clips download them first by right clicking on the image and then choosing the option "save target as" save it to your hard drive and then you can view at your own convenience!
Love and Money
To view click here
Where is your cell phone?
Click here
Why?, the rant column!
**The rants labeled with ** at the end are the rants from other Migente members and may not reflect my opinion **Why can`t you reply to my note, its okay that you are not feeling me I`m a man I can take it I`m not going to cry, out of respect you can atleast write me back and let me know your not feeling me, right?
Why should I spend time with this HTML?
Why do you try to cling on to my arm like we have been dating for 10 years after I've only seen you twice?
Why do I have to write you twenty notes before you answer one?
Why do you complain about people not reading your page and only looking at the pics but then you only come to my page to see my pics?
Why have a page on this site with no pic and only respond to people that have pics?
Why am I the only person who reads my why rants?
"Why don`t girls realize that if he is chatting you up online he could be doing it to 5 other girls at the same time?"**
"Why do bisexual girls with boyfriends think it`s not cheating if it`s with another girl?"**
Why ????????
The Procrastinator`s Creed
The Procrastinator`s Creed I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in propoartion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to recieve from missing them. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possiblity for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. I truely believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. If at first I don`t succeed, there is always next year. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.